Are You Causing Your Own Stress?

Since coming back to work I have been really stressed trying to figure out how to manage everything while trying to hold on to a sense of self.  I enjoy being a wife, a mom and a stepmom, but there is more to me than that.  Maybe I’m wrong for wanting a life outside of my household, but that’s what I needed to feel complete and whole.  I was trying very hard not to be my mom and so many other women that gave up their dreams (or put it on hold) in order to manage their family.  There just had to be a way where I didn’t have give myself up.  Call me self-fish, but as we all know if mom ain’t happy, no ones happy.

With my husband embarking on a new chapter in our life the dynamics of our household needed to change.  So naturally hubby and I discussed this.  We reflected back to the time where there seem to be some structure in our household and what was the difference.  The difference became me.  I was no longer that grumpy woman that pouted around the house in order to get things done.  I didn’t like the way that felt and so I didn’t want to be that woman anymore.  But apparently the men in my house respond better when the only woman in the house is very, very, upset.  So I thought about a solution and what was really the problem.

The problem was I didn’t want to be that 1950s wife.  I didn’t want to be the woman that did everything around the house for everyone, while she disappeared.  I didn’t want to hide behind my family as to why I didn’t or couldn’t achieve various things in life.  Basically I didn’t want to be my mom.  Can you ladies relate to this?  When you think of becoming a wife or a mom what image do you see and where does this image come from?  We all aspire to be the “Perfect Mom” or maybe the “Good Mom” but what about simply being the mom, wife, and woman you were made to be.

I realized that I do enjoy making sure my house is in order and clean, I enjoy cooking meals from fresh ingredients.  Heck, I made a smoothie the other day and was so excited.  I watch all these shows about home decor, cooking, etc and something inside of me responds to that.  So I thought, what am I running away from.  Could I be the one causing my own stress?  Is there really anything wrong with being similar (not being exactly like) to my mom?  So, I decided to embrace this side of me.  I enjoy arts and crafts and making things, I enjoy making my house feel like a home and there is simply nothing wrong with that.  However, how can I make this work while being limited because I have a job?  The funny thing is the job has yet to interfere.  I’m doing what I can when I can and I’m loving it.  In fact, the feeling is contagious.  I’m not the only one doing the house work, but hubby is helping where he can and is enjoying it too.

What I realized is that because I was cutting off this side of me I was causing my own stress.  In my head being a housewife meant losing a sense of self, but that doesn’t have to be.  In fact, I feel as if I’m becoming more me than I have been since being married.  F*ck that 1950′s housewife and hello to the 2010 working housewife.  I am reclaiming me and embracing the housewife.

So what about you?

What are some of the things that are causing you stress?  Ask yourself (and be real honest) why? What is the root of this stress? And what can you do to  work through it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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