He Rejected Me!!!!

Yes, he has rejected me and I am so hurt. My little baby no longer wants breast milk. I can’t believe this at 4 months. I ask him all the time if he knows how old he is, because he seems to be showing personality a bit too old for his age. What do I do? How do I cope? There will be no more baby and mommy special bonding time.

A few weeks ago my 4 month old was sick. He had a stuffy, runny nose, sneezing, and coughing. He didn’t have a fever, but you can just tell he was sick because he wasn’t the happy joyful baby I am use to coming home to. He never became cranky, he was just quiet and sad, and wanted to be on me and around me all evening. I usually nurse him in the evenings and in the middle of the night, but I noticed he was not nursing for his usual length of time. I thought maybe because he was sick he just didn’t feel like eating. I gave him a bottle because I was afraid of him not eating. He drank from the bottle very easily with no problems. I felt so bad that he drank from the bottle rather than from me.

I stayed home the following day and took him to his doctor’s appointment. I decided that I would nurse him through out the day since I’m home with him, but he wouldn’t even latch on. Do my nipples stink? Did I not take a shower? So of course I took a shower (even though I did already) and tried again later on, same results. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe my baby did not want to nurse, when he was nursing fine a few days ago. Everyone was telling me he’s probably experiencing nipple confusion. But why would he be confused now at 4 months. I’ve always used a bottle with him since birth. When he came home I nursed during the day and my husband bottle fed him at night. Then as I needed time for me, my husband started to give him the bottle more during the day. I have been at work for about 2 months now, so he is very use to drinking from the bottle during the day and nursing at night. How in the world could he be confused all of a sudden?

Well what I didn’t take into consideration was the amount of food he was eating from his bottle. I was too caught up in feeling rejected that I didn’t notice that he was having trouble eating period. Due to his stuffy nose, it was hard for him to drink from the bottle and breathe and even harder to nurse. After laughing at myself for days (still laugh when I think about it). I thought about why did this hurt me so bad? Why did I internalize this as him rejecting me? The answer is, I just love breastfeeding. Some people do not like it and consider it to be very painful. I have not had the associated pain or cracked nipples that everyone has describe (my nipples did crack once when using a breast pump). I loved the closeness I felt when nursing him. I loved how he would study my face as he nursed, or stared into my eyes. I loved every moment of it and to not be able to do nurse him made me feel as if he didn’t need me anymore. I no longer had the one thing that my baby could get from me and no one else. Then I thought how confused am I? I complain about being a dairy farm, which is preventing me from being intimate with my husband, but I would be devastated to give up such a special, private, bonding moment. Oh well honey, I guess you are out of luck?

Since he is no longer sick he has been nursing very well, and there is no confusion at all. I wasn’t rejected, he just couldn’t breathe. What a great feeling to not be rejected. I can’t help but wonder what I will do, when he doesn’t need me as much. Will I react the same way? Will my own insecurities get in the way of my child’s ability to be independent? How have you coped with your child’s independence?

Popularity: 1% [?]