A few years ago when my little one was younger I wrote a post called To Be or Not To Be: The Social Butterfly. At that time my little one was 3 months old and I was struggling with whether or not I should go out and how often should I do this. I have to admit I still struggle with the how often part especially since I believe we have an in house babysitter (his older brother). But what tames me a bit is (1) it’s my responsibility, my older son should not have to watch his younger brother on a regular basis even if he enjoys. And (2) I don’t want my kids memories to be of their parents going out every weekend, family time is important to me. But since I wrote that post a few things have changed for me regarding this topic and I would like to share.
First my little one is now 3 years old. I realized that as your kids get older they need less and less of you to be there for their every single needs. At this stage in little mans life he is very independent (not so much that he doesn’t need me at all) which means he wants to do everything himself. He is also a great helper. He loves to help me, or anyone, do just about anything. And he can talk. With these abilities it’s easier to have someone watch him and he not be a burden because he’s very self sufficient and I know he will tell me what happened when I get home. To me this was a big deal when it came to going out. At 3 months I felt that I couldn’t trust anyone, and even if I did he couldn’t tell me what he ate, what he did, etc. Also, I felt that I was placing a burden on someone to watch my child. As mentioned in the previous paragraph this child was now my responsibility and no one should have to burden it. That’s probably the wrong way of looking at things because that keeps you in the super-mommy mentality but that’s how I felt at the time.
The second thing that has changed is I no longer give a damn. Yes I said it. I love and care about my children and my family. What I no longer care about is what people have to say about my life, my actions and my reasoning’s. For the past 3 years I struggled with being a “good” mother by society and family standards. I struggled with being a “good” wife by the standards of the church. But the bottom line of it all is that I have to go through the consequences of my own decisions whether it’s good or bad and frankly I have made some bad decisions but I have made some very very good decisions as well and I’m proud of them. If I had listen to some I would be a single parent at this point. If I had listen to others the person that I am right now would have never been brought back to life. The only thing that matters is you and your household. Everyone can tell you their thoughts, their opinions and so forth, but they get to go home to their life, whether it’s a good life, or a bad life (by their own standards), they get to leave and escape your reality for theirs that they may struggle with as well.
These two changes for me has given me the guilt free freedom to go and enjoy life. Whether it’s date night once a week with my husband, a night out with the girls (which can add up to me going out twice a week sometimes), or even a glass of wine (or beer) after I put the kids to bed. I don’t feel your guilt. I feel revived, energized and equipped to take on the pressures, the duties and the joys of being a working housewife daily, weekly, monthly and year after year. I allow myself to drain out so I can do it all over again week after week, day after day. I don’t allow frustrations to build up so that when my little one does something amazing, funny, or crazy I can really enjoy it and not be so uptight that he’s afraid to make a mistake around me. My life is better now that I realize that it doesn’t matter if I let someone down because I didn’t implement their advice. It’s my life, my family, my marriage only I know the dynamics of my household.
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